Recently I observed numerous adults bickering at each other over trivial issues. It was suddenly apparent that not everyone does "get wiser" as they get older. It's a nice cliché to believe in, but unfortunately, it's not always the case. Advanced age doesn't always guarantee maturity. There's a huge difference between "growing old," and "growing up." They don't always seem go hand-in-hand.
Far too often, we as adults still react to adverse situations in our lives with very childish behaviors hurting our friends, family, spouces and reputation along the way.
Why do we do this? We know better! We teach our children not to do or say the things that we ourselves continue to say and do, allowing us to become cynical, rude, bitter, critical, unforgiving, untrusting, selfish and so on.
As adults we're supposed to act, instead of react, to life's ups and downs. Supposedly using the "wisdom" that we've accumulated throughout our experiences of many years. Anyone can grow older. That doesn't take any ability at all. That happens naturally. But growing up…now that's a different story all together.
Some of us never "mellow with age." Some of us go from bad to worse, and there's nothing worse than an "immature adult."
How do we let ourselves get to this point in the first place? What makes us become so unyielding, and narrow minded, way into our advanced years? What has prevented us from learning life's lessons which should have been learned years before?
Perhaps over the course of time we have become so focused on ourselves, and our wants and needs, that if every remark isn't geared towards our personal happiness, we get upset. We've become accustomed to overlooking our own faults, and seeing through magnified glasses at the faults of others. We've become convinced that we are the good guys, and that our ideas and ways of thinking are right. No questions asked.
After years of viewing life from our "me, me, me" perspective, other disturbing factors occur. We lose track of damage that we've inflicted on others, and blow out of proportion unintentional slights we feel we've received. Our viewpoint becomes greatly distorted. We lose our humility and acquire a one-track line of thinking.
"They're wrong! I'm right! Come around to my way of thinking and then everything will be fine. I didn't do anything to you! You did this to me!" Isolating long time treasured friends over bits and pieces of trivial, perceived, wounds of the heart. Holding on to personal slights and grudges like gold. Validated or not, they become necessary ingredients for the emotional recipes we cook up in our heads - stewing and stewing, at hotter and hotter temperatures, until our pot boils over and all spill out, burning everyone in its path.
We as adults have lost our ability to reason with the heart instead of the head. We forget along the way, friends we've had for years wouldn't be there in the first place, if they didn't like us. We've learned to concentrate more on the negative than the positive - never stopping to consider that few people wake up and plan to go about their day hurting our feelings. It's seldom on anyone's "things-to-do-today" list. Yet, for some adults, we let pride get in the way of reason.
Our hearts become hardened to forgiveness. We think we've earned the right to be rude or bitter because of our age. How can we learn to once again act like the adults that we are? We can start by remembering what we were taught as children in Sunday school - "turn the other cheek, forgive others, love unconditionally, and do unto others as you would have them do unto you." For results are only accomplished by applying the principals first. Peace only rewards those who seek it. Adults only mature fully when we act like adults, instead of children. Children should only be shown how to be better adults, from the best adults that we can be. Let's all try to remember the next time we feel a harsh word or an undeserved slight from someone, that we are setting examples for future generations by how we react. Let us remind ourselves to try to be the kind of adults that we'd want our children to grow up to be: healthy, happy, peaceful adults - playful, but not childish - innocent, but not immature - helpful, but not hurtful, for the next generation truly starts with us.
